OK, Kill Him Or Let Him Live?

I googled "nicotine more addictive" and came up with many interesting sites:

http://whyquit.com/whyquit/LinksAAddiction.html

Nicotine is the tobacco plant's natural protection from being eaten by insects. It is a super toxin that, drop for drop, is more lethal than strychnine or diamondback rattlesnake venom, and three times deadlier than arsenic. Yet, amazingly, by chance, this natural insecticide's chemical signature is so similar to the neurotransmitter acetylcholine that once inside the brain it fits a host of chemical locks permitting it direct and indirect control over the flow of more than 200 neurochemicals.
Within eight seconds of that first-ever inhaled puff, through dizzy, coughing and six shades of green, nicotine arrived at the brain's reward pathways where it generated an unearned flood of dopamine, resulting in an immediate yet possibly unrecognized "aaah" reward sensation. Sensing it would cause most first-time inhalers to soon return to steal more. Nicotine also activated the body's fight or flight pathways releasing adrenaline, and select serotonin pathways impacting mood and impulsivity.

A nicotine smoker's natural odds of quitting for six months, entirely on their own, without any products, procedures, education programs, counseling or formal support is roughly 10%

Studies suggest that you truly would have to be a superhero to quit while using the nicotine patch if you'd already attempted using it once and relapsed.
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I hate cigs and oral tobacco . . . . but I have to say that I have great sympathy for users . ..


steph

According to the American Heart Association, the "nicotine addiction has historically been one of the hardest addictions to break." The pharmacological and behavioral characteristics that determine tobacco addiction are similar to those that determine addiction to drugs such as heroin and cocaine



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicotine

Somewhere I have a book on nursing and addictions and nicotine has its own chapter.

My mother, a life-long smoker, refused to quit in spite of health problems (her own, my father's and mine) but she quit cold-turkey when I had my first son and told her she could not smoke around the baby. The "baby" will be twenty-two next month and my mom has never smoked since his birth. On the other hand, my FIL, also a life-long smoker, has COPD and my husband and MIL fear he still sneaks cigarettes.

Much of this matter boils down to motivation. My mom chose to quit because she knew she would not be permitted to be around my kids and smoke and she wanted to spend time with us. My FIL is still apparently in the grips of his addiction and probably figures it's too late to change his habits as the damage is done. The thing is: is love a sufficient motivation? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

There's definitely a school of thought that says, "If you love me, you will change." There's another that says, "If you love me, you will accept me as I am." While I don't believe in getting into a relationship to change the other person into meeting all one's expectations, compromise is necessary to keep a relationship alive. In asking someone to change, are you asking him/her to change something that is part of his/her core being? To become something he/she is not? Or to alter a behavior that is upsetting or hurting the relationship?

I do believe that in a relationship, if one partner is engaging in behavior that is unhealthy for either or both partners or doing something that can erode the foundation of the relationship, the other person has a right---a duty, really---to ask him/her to change that behavior. Otherwise, anger and resentment build up on both sides and the foundation for the relationship is eroded away.

Then again, if that behavior is part of the integral core being of a person, can the other person ask him/her to change? Sometimes staying in a relationship is sufficient motivation to change behavior. Sometimes it is not. And then it is up to the partner who wants the change to decide, is the other partner's unwillingness to change serious enough to want to end the relationship. Very tough decision!

I think it would be extremely hard for someone to sit back and watch a partner engage in behavior that is not only self-destructive but also dangerous to anyone around that partner. The situation about which Angel posted reminds me of Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen and how one of her (many) reasons for ending the marriage was his continual use of tobacco in spite of his having tongue and mouth cancer. I remember reading somewhere (sorry, no source) that she could no longer sit back and watch him destroy himself by using tobacco. (Infidelity was apparently part of the reason for the break-up as well, but I digress.)

You know, could the real issue here not be the husband's use of tobacco, but instead, power and control? It seems to me that there's a bad dynamic here in that one partner says no and the other sneaks off to defy her anyway. It's almost like a naughty little kid wanting to disobey his parent. Sometimes in marriage, we unconsciously replicate the relationship we had with our parents---good and bad---and sometimes we fall into patterns of acting like a parent rather than a partner, especially when our partners are acting, well, like children. C'mon, ladies---how many of us have ever had our husbands give us THE LOOK and tell us they already have mothers when we, ahem, remind them to do certain things like wear sunscreen or pick up their underwear? Again, the thing is, when does it cease to be about tobacco or sunscreen or underwear and about falling into a bad pattern of communicating that endangers the relationship?

Angelfire, I do wish you the best in this. Having been in a bad marital situation, I know how much this hurts.

Yeah, we have to stop treating them like we are mommy and they are kiddo. They hate that.

I hate that actually.

steph

dng dng dng - the is missing on this son's keybord so ber with me plese?

wht is dipping?

leslie

The using of chewing tobacco. Reaching into the can and grabbing a a "pinch" of chewing tobacco between your thumb and forefinger is where I think the term came from. (All though I once worked for a guy who got it out of the can with just his tongue.) The big names in "snoose" are Copenhagen and Skoal....... at least out here in the west they are.

I would be so upset that he lied, but I wouldn't leave him. I do understand that it can be hard to talk to your spouse about things that are upsetting. He does have to "buy into" wanting to stop smoking or he is probably going to sneak off and on. My husband never lied to me about his smoking, but our son can not be around smoke at all. He can't even deal if my husband smoked outside and then comes into the house later. He had to stop smoking. He did start "dipping" and I was less than thrilled, but I did understand his addiction to nicotine. Honestly, he loves smoking and craves a cigerette everyday. I found an article online about electric cigarettes and talked to him about it. He decided to try one and loves them. He says that it feels a lot like smoking. The e-cigarette lets out an oderless vapor that I'm not even aware is out unless I look at him while he is smoking. Our son has no problems with it at all. The only thing he is getting is nicotine. My husband seems much happier with the switch and I don't worry about his health as much. It was a good compromise for us.

deAnna

Just had to nag . . . . A small number of people with Barrett’s esophagus develop a rare but often deadly type of cancer of the esophagus. One of my hospice patients has it. It isn't pretty and the way they die is usually not pretty either.

Stop the Mountain Dew!


steph