OK, Kill Him Or Let Him Live?

*sharpeimom* · Nov 06, 2009, 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by AngelfireRN

I seriously doubt it. He says he's sane enough. It's a great idea, but I'd have to hogtie him.

Wasn't talking about sane vs insane. When I first told my husband I'd made the appointment, his response would get me bounced off this board. I said, "Well then,
come to the appointment with me and tell him what a pain in the neck and a nag I've been lately." That hooked him. He went, not knowing that I'd already spoken with the NP. We went together a few times so the doctor was able to see us interact and now he goes quarterly plus we're doing a few marriage counseling sessions with one of his partners who is a psychologist, to help us come to terms my stroke at a relatively young age, the damage his anxiety and lying had done, and our formerly very very strong, nurturing, loving marriage has become even stronger. Every marriage that lasts has its bumps and rough patches. If it doesn't, it wasn't much of a marriage to begin with because it was a shallow relationship. Please don't give up without really trying. As mad as I get at my husband, I simply cannot imagine my life without him.
Oh... There doesn't have to be a thing "wrong with him" and I/we aren't saying he's insane. Simply that sometimes you need an impartial referee sometimes...

Hugs and kisses from the dog at/on my feet!

Kathy
sharpeimom

*Sabby_NC* · Nov 07, 2009, 04:54 AM

Originally Posted by Spidey's mom

My husband used Copenhagen when we first got married. He put it under his top lip - he doesn't have to spit that way. No spit cups.

He quit for 5 years but had a friend offer him some during a stressful day and he started back up.

I'm not happy about it - but there is nothing I can do to make him stop. He has to want to stop. I backed off completely.

The spit cups would be the end of me . . . tell your dh to put it under his top lip and don't spit.

Then brush his teeth and use mouthwash if he wants to kiss you.

There is nothing you can do about this - and it isn't a deal breaker for a marriage.

Just make sure you get some good life iinsurance.

steph

I agree Steph.
Life's choices I guess but I have found over my years it is better not to yell, scream etc
He has to live with the fact he may have stretched the truth.
Go about your lives as normal as you can and allow him to deal with his inner demons.
Not worth ruining a marriage over trust me, life and marriage is precious.
Hubs used to smoke and I could not stand it but I learnt to shut my mouth and in the end he quit on his own accord.
The habit is awful not the man.

*Spidey's mom* · Nov 07, 2009, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by Sabby_NC

He has to live with the fact he may have stretched the truth.
.

To be honest . . .I'd be tempted to stretch the truth if I was addicted to nicotine and I knew my husband would blow up if he knew I was smoking again.

We lie because we don't want to be found out.

It might be easier if my husband met me at the door with a hug and some understanding about how hard it is to quit.

I nagged and nagged for years - the kids and I prayed every night for him - ALL the kids have tried hiding his can of chew - 4 kids did this and 3 are now adults. When we go out to get firewood in the Winter, one of them would hide the can in the snow while Dad was cutting down a tree - Danny still does that. I've showed him photos of men who had their tongue and jaw removed from cancer. I've told him about the struggles of patients with esophageal cancer.

Even the woman on the tv commercial, smoking through the hole in her throat where she was trached doesn't help.

Even God can't change him if he doesn't want to change.

I've backed off. But he doesn't get a kiss until he brushes his teeth.

steph

AngelfireRN · Nov 07, 2009, 12:36 PM

Thanks, all. I agree it's not about sane vs insane, but that is how he looks at it.
And my tack may not work. He may keep on just to spite me. At least I'll know where I stand. Off to my massage, to be followed by Bama vs LSU, to be followed by TN vs Memphis. Should be an interesting evening.

*leslie :-D* · Nov 07, 2009, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by AngelfireRN

Thanks, all. I agree it's not about sane vs insane, but that is how he looks at it.
And my tack may not work. He may keep on just to spite me.

he may keep on (digging?) just to spite you???
wow.
i could understand him continuing because he wants to/has to, but for spite??

that can't be good.

enjoy your games, angel.
i know you'll enjoy your massage.

leslie

AngelfireRN · Nov 07, 2009, 03:22 PM

Yep, for spite, he can be THAT childish about some things, but it's rare. He's currently getting his BP to warp speed over his game. I must be missing the football gene.

*sharpeimom* · Nov 07, 2009, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by Kolohe99

Speaking of "chew", I can't believe my younger brother. He used chew for quite a few years but he finally broke the habit. He had his 10 year old boy with him the other day and I saw his boy open a round chew shaped can and reach into it. I looked at my brother and he said, "it's just jerky".

Is it just me or is this not the brightest thing to give your boy?

My cousin's son is currently a sophmore in college and does not use any tobacco products but when he was 13 and in the 8th grade, there was a group
of boys, all of whom used chewing tobacco or snuff. Rich had braces and for that
reason, among others, his parents didn't want him using any tobacco at all. Several
of the "cool" kids were in the group so finally his mom came up with a workable solution.

He would carry his retainer box (also round and the same size) in his pocket. That lasted for about a year when he developed the maturity to say, "No thanks. I don't use it."

Kathy
sharpeimom

AngelfireRN · Nov 07, 2009, 08:13 PM

That was a good diversion.

Thank the Lord Bama won. We've been throwing hats ala Steve Spurrier, flinging couch cushions, kicking the coffee table, and turning the air blue, and they WON. Heaven only knows what'd have happened if they lost.

And TN gets up 7-56, put in the waterboy, and now they're getting their heinie handed to them. I've lost my voice, scared the cat, and have broken out the pom-poms, but I haven't resorted to flinging the furniture. We have to be ladylike about these things, you know.

Thanks again, all.

*sharpeimom* · Nov 07, 2009, 08:49 PM

Originally Posted by AngelfireRN

I've lost my voice, scared the cat, and have broken out the pom-poms, but I haven't resorted to flinging the furniture. We have to be ladylike about these things, you know.

Of course... what would Emily Post say? I'm my mother's daughter. I've smashed an embarassing number of watch crystals cheering teams on. Sometimes, I'm so loud, the animals stomp off in utter and complete disgust. During the Super Bowl this year, our carport collapsed while about 12 of us cheered loudly just on the other side of the wall.
The house is 148 years old and we had made arrangements to have a replacement done in the spring but that just speeded things up a bit. There couldn't have been any connection between our... uh ... lively cheering and the collapse, could there?

Kathy
sharpeimom

AngelfireRN · Nov 07, 2009, 08:53 PM

Naaaaaaaahhhhhhh! But just exactly HOW boisterous were you? I know DH told me I was jarring the cheval glass in the next room with my gymnastics. Heck, I play harder than the team!