Thought provoking email CONTINUED

Hmph,,, I think we need to somehow combine the eeeek unprotected sex thread and this one..and the other ones...because they are the best threads going ya know.....full of the most intelligent !! HEE HEE!

I think this thread has changed topic about half dozen times since its start months ago, and that is what has kept it going.
To think it all started with the ramblings of an evangelists daughter.

O.K., now we are talking new threads and combinations, WOW, how am I EVER going to get my housework done? I'm already addicted to this thread.
Maybe I'll just let everything pile up and then move. Ever notice how much you clean and primp when you move? Guess I'll just pretend to move to clean.
Worked 10 hr shift after being with 4 grandbabes over the weekend, and I'm not only old and exhausted, But old, exhausted, and delerious..... Guess I should stay off of the sites until I at least take a nap, but like I said, I'm addicted....
Just want to say hope everyone had a great Valentine's Day, and ... : ( kinda sad when I saw the old thread say *CLOSED*. Glad it's here... Or where??? Nite all........... Love Nana

and Essarge!!!!!!!!! kudos Essarge!!!!!

and lets not forget micro psychic line, predicted this thread would go on and on!!!!! Send $$$$$ and ????? and micro will tell you all!!!!!

:stone :roll this thread is a blast!!!!!!!!!
love all,
micro

Dennie, RESPECT is due. You seem to have lived enough for at least two or three lifetimes in yours! Your balance and humour aer an example to all. (even if we were all sneezed into a handkerchief by the Great Arkleseizure!)
Don.

Here's something we were talking about this morning...what do you expect from God and what does God expect from you?

I thought it was a silly question, in part, because what does expect mean? to me, its a type of prediction...I don't know for certain, but I expect ____. I don't think God expects, he knows. But then the guy rephrased the question to say what does God want from you.

I expect God to take care of my needs and to answer my prayer. When i say answer my prayer, I am not saying that I expect him to give me everything I want or think I need, sometimes a "no" is the best answer (and to think of some of the stupid things I have prayed for!)

what do you guys think? (trying to go back on "topic")

sheeh....tough question Pkmom......I dont think I have ever expected anything from God. I have looked to him for wisdom, strength, and the likes a time or two..(maybe three!), perhaps knowing that those things would come in due time...
Mostly I tend to think of God...and am filled with wonder on a beautiful day, watching a gorgeous sky move, or seeing the miricale of life in a chlid...watching my child sleep...I often thank God.....and when someone passes away...I think of God and how wonderful and amazing life is.
What does he expect from me? I think he just wants me to live right, be kind considerate and loving of my fellow man and respect the life that he has given me......

Thank goodness there is a place we can talk about our faith, or in my case, a lack there of. Read my story and see if you can help me in my delima.

I was raised in a strong Christian environment. I readily accepted the teachings: God is good. He allows tribulation in our life to help us grow. He promises to never abandon, to comfort and guide us.

My life experiences include rape ( 3 separate date rapes,) 3 sepatate times men exposed themselves to me at an early age, I had an emotionally and physically abusive husband, divorce and loneliness. To top it all off I have battled MAJOR Depression and an anxiety disorder. I have attempted suicide 3-4 times. But the worst, and almost fatle attempt has scarred me spiritually. During the months prior to it I searched the Bible for answers. I cried out for comfort, for protection, for Love. Yet still, one day, the burdens became unbearable. The beliefs I had relied on for the integration of my soul had let me down. With tears pouring down, I verbally cried out loud, even screamed to God for the comfort and protection he promised. When my words bounced off the walls I mixed every pill I had in the house - probably over 100 old ant-depressant and anti-anxiety pills I had been on and taken off of because they didn't help. I bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and washed them down. My faith was shattered. The system of belief on which I relied for my integration and for protection not only let me down. Now I no longer can feel confident that I will ever again know reliably what to trust and what to defend against. Although I was spared--my blood pressure was 40/0 when I got to the hospital. I believe God abandoned me. Now, I don't feel I can trust His word. My struggle with my depression has taken me to the deepest pits, even after the last suicide attempt, therefore, I know I have no confidence in myself based on my experiences, and what few relationships I've had with men have always resulted in adbandonment. I have tried several churches over the years, but only found a lack of interest in loving others. I remember one time sitting in a women's Bible study group with an obvious black eye. I cried through the entire meeting. NO ONE even spoke to me, let alone making an attempt to minister to me. If I can't trust God, His church, myself or others where am I to find the love, comfort and protection needed for an emotionally healthy life?

Welcome carpe_de_em!

First, let me embrace you with a warm cyberhug: ((((HUGS))))

I am so sorry that you experienced such tragedy in your life. I can sympathize and empathize with you on many of your own experiences as I am an "Incest Survivor" and a survivor of a previous abusive marriage that ended in 1988. I feel your pain, although different experiences shared. It angers me to think of what you have been put through at the hands of those who should have loved and protected you. Your ex-spouse vowed before God and man to love, honor, and protect you, yet he broke his promises to you. Men raped you for their own egotistical powers - not because of who you are. They didn't care about "you - the human being", only satisfying their own power of an ego.

Sick minds do sick things!

I, too, was raised in the church. My mother gave us "no choice". It was Sunday School and Sermon every single Sunday UNLESS she pronounced you too sick to go.

When "bad things" happened to me in my life, I, too, reached a point that I screamed out in pain towards the Heavens - shouting - "Why, God? Why? What have I done to deserve such pain and suffering in my little bit of a life?" I cried buckets of tears, gave up going to church, stopped reading the Bible, stopped praying, and did NOT want to hear anyone talk to me about "going back to church" "so people could help me heal". HA! I left the church in the first place because NO ONE reached out to me in my distress. They treated me like I had a "contagious illness" after my divorce from my children's father. Afraid they would catch the "disease of divorce", I guess.

Then, one day I was waiting for my transfer bus to arrive (out in California) when I had the sudden urgency to scream at the top of my lungs -- right there in public view. Talk about being stared at by passerbys! :chuckle They must've thought I was an escapee from a mental hospital or something. :chuckle After my long loud scream, I shouted "Okay, God! Is there anything else you want to lay on me, let me have it now so I can get on with my life! Come on! Give it to me, God!" To say that I was angry would be putting it mildly!

All of a sudden, I started to cry, and cry, and cry. The bus finally came, I was still crying all the way home on the bus. At the first redlight, the bus driver turned to look at me and winked. He said, "Maam, are you okay?" I said, "I don't know just yet. I'll let you know next time I see you. I'm having a "spiritual moment" right now." He winked again, and when the light turned green, he went on his way. He wished me well as I exited the bus. I was STILL crying. I got to my apartment, opened the door, ran into my bedroom and fell on the bed and had myself a good sob! My youngest daughter was there with her two year old son when I got home. She was used to mom crying over "spilled milk" since the divorce, so she let me have my sob as always before coming to my rescue. She knew I needed to "get it all out" again. God love her!

While in my room, I tore up the room by throwing books, lamps, mattress and linens off my bed, toppled over tables, etc. I had allowed so much anger to build up in me since my divorce that I had to "release it all" before I could allow myself to "feel love again" from anyone but my children and grandkids -- that goes without saying. Then, after the "war" was over in my bedroom and heart, when the tears had all dried up (I had no more to cry by that time), my daughter opened the bedroom door and said, "MOM, can I make you a cup of tea or something." Aren't kids precious!

I drank my cup of herb tea while holding my two year old grandson with his little pudgy arms wrapped around gramma's neck as he lay his tiny little head on my shoulder saying, "I wuv you gramma!" Too precious!

I'm sharing this page of my life with you, crepe_de_em, in hopes that you will somehow find it in your heart to "let go and let God" speak to you in a way that only God can do. HE is the only ONE who will meet you where you are at in your life, and not judge or criticize, or scold you, but embrace you, love on you, comfort you, and speak a language that only you are open to hearing. HE reaches each of His children in a way that we can each be comforted by. You know, just like a mother who knows how to relate to each one of her children in a way that each child will be open to; comforted by. In the privacy of your home - alone with Him - as you release all your anger and disappointments over to Him. Trust me, He can take it all. All that you have within you, HE knows how to heal it, IF you but trust Him to do so.

After going through my "spiritual moment" during that time in my life, I came to realize and accept that it wasn't God who failed me; it wasn't God who committed acts of violence against me, but the evil nature my abusers exercised against me. Just as there are laws of nature we have no control over and are injured in the process of being in their way, so are there laws of the universe that God will NOT interfere with because HE does NOT want to control us like robots and puppets, but instead HE gave each of us a "freewill" to be obedient to Him, or not to be obedient to HIM.

Crepe_de_em, it wasn't God who betrayed you and left you to be wounded by so many in your life. You were wounded and betrayed by those who "exercised their own God-given freewill" to be disobedient and unloving towards you. 'Some' church going people may have said to you, "The devil did those things to you". Your response was probably something like this: "Why didn't God stop the devil from doing those things to me then? He IS God, isn't He?" [At least this is what I said when "churched people" {who meant well, I'm sure} said that to me.]

GOD is a good and merciful God! HE is kind, loving, and caring. HE hurts when we hurt. Those who hurt you are NOT "of God's Spiritual Nature", therefore, they do not abide by God's Spiritual Laws, THUS, THEY CHOSE to exercise evil instead of good against you.

Today, I have a restored relationship with God. One that was found in the privacy of my own home. It took getting alone with God for me to "hear" HIM speak to my spirit through the Voice of The Holy Spirit, and heal me as I surrendered all of me to Him, returning my freewill back to Him to do with my life what HE knows right and just and loving to do.

This is where the confusion sets in among people who turn away from God because they so desire to find HIM by going to church with others who often "profess to know what God thinks and wants from them because Pastor so-and-so said this or that in his/her interpretation of God's Holy Scriptures". Much of what "some pastors" teach their congregation is doctrine-based religion, and NOT accurate teachings from the Holy Word of God in the way it is meant to be taught to God's children.

Not all people who are "churched" are saved, Crepe_de_em. And because of that, they send out a strong message to the world by the "talk they THINK they are walking in the Name of God" saying by their actions that God allowed evil things to happen to people "because they weren't living right, or because of this or that.... " It's thinking like that that caused me to draw the line on many things I heard Pastors and Sunday School Teachers teaching in various churches I attended. ONE DOES NOT HAVE TO ATTEND A CHURCH TO DISCOVER THAT GOD'S SPIRIT DWELLS WITHIN THEM, AND WILL MANIFEST THINGS IN THEIR SPIRIT AND LIFE IF THEY BUT RETURN TO HIM "BY THEIR OWN CHOOSING", AND NOT BECAUSE SOME PASTOR SAYS YOU HAVE TO, OR ELSE!

If I can be of further help to you in helping you heal by sharing my own personal saga with you, feel free to email me here, or send me a private message and I promise to respond.

Just as it took me time to "find my way back to God" and allow myself to be embraced by His Love again, it will obviously take you time to do the same...if that is what you desire. So, I hope you'll stop beating up on yourself for the anger you feel. It's not wrong to feel anger, it is what we do with our anger that may cause us to behave in a wrong way.

Heard From Brian, there will not be a spirituality Forum. He doesn't want to add more Forums.

Oh well, worth a try.

I guess you're stuck with oFF Topic.